I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
