kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
