hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
