im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
