I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
