I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
