Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
