a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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