New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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