That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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