You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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