her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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