How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
