happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
