i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
