dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
