mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
