White coat. Heels.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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