i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are we still banned from the library?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
