I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
