just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
