We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
