i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
