I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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