Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You ruined the universe
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
