Don't you send me to vm
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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