You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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