I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
