your room smells of hookers.
And success
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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