I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
