shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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