Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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