5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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