were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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