I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
