While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
