last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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