Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'd cum for enchiladas.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
