Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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