I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
