Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
