the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
