I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
