I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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