He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
