The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
