pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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