All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
