I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
