Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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